If Faith Salie hadn’t already won me over with her smarts and self-deprecating humor in Approval Junkie—her one-woman show presented by Audible at the Minetta Lane Theatre—she would certainly do it with this line toward the very end of the show, part of a letter she’s writing to her daughter: “Say thank you, learn people’s names, and use Oxford commas.”
Anyone who advocates for that controversial but obviously superior form of punctuation is clearly a kindred spirit.
Based on her 2016 book of the same name, Approval Junkie follows Salie—you might know her from her frequent appearances on NPR’s Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! or as a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning—as she strives for success in everything from her Atlanta high school Miss Aphrodite competition (it involved “cobalt spandex,” “bright red dance panties,” and something called “The Pageant Arm Raise”) to marriage to her first husband, aka her “wasband.” When he asked her to get an exorcism, she did. At “an Ayurvedic Healing Center in a Sarasota, Florida strip mall.” (FYI, it involved yoga, enemas, massages, and a full-body mud mask followed by a flower-petal steam bath. It actually doesn’t sound so bad…except, you know, for the enemas.)
Even if you’ve never sung a Streisand song on a cutthroat teenage quest for a rhinestone tiara, you’re bound to identify with more than a few of Salie’s stories. Perhaps you’re the type of person who “considered rice cakes a sensible dinner.” (This is part of Salie’s all-too-identifiable discussion of her “tortured crusade to be thin.” It involved “exactly” 800 calories—and two workouts—per day. “For the record,” Salie says, “curves are great on other people. Me—I’d like to look like a flapper with a touch of dysentery.” Cue the slightly pained we’ve-been-there laughter.) Perhaps you’re someone who tried on dress after dress—in search of the perfect “sexy but not like I’m trying to look sexy” dress—before heading to divorce court. (Admit it—you did. We all did.) Perhaps you found your current mate, as Salie did, through “Gay Date,” the much more reliable—and far more fabulous—alternative to online dating. Perhaps you are, or aspire to be, an “Ovary Achiever”; if so, you’ll enjoy Salie’s presentation on egg-freezing, artificial insemination, and IVF (“we have a lot to cover, and our clocks are ticking”). And perhaps you’ve lost a baby, or more than one. Salie’s sage advice: “Stay sad for a long time.”
Yes, most of the material is pitched toward a female audience, but if you’re a parent—a New York City parent, specifically—you’ll scoff with recognition at the kindergarten admissions monologue, with its talk of the all-important “observed play date” and kids who “make their own papyrus” (because of course). “I just tell him to have fun and be himself,” she says of her 4-year-old son, “but, you know, the self that doesn’t touch without consent and likes to talk about bioluminescence.”
As with all Audible productions, the company will record the show for a future audio release, and given Salie’s NPR experience, Approval Junkie should play well in that nonvisual medium. But Salie is great company, and a genial, lively presence. Plus, at only 90 minutes, there’s plenty of time for a post-show dinner. If it’s rice cakes, there’s no judgment here.
Approval Junkie opened Nov. 22, 2021, at the Minetta Lane Theatre and runs through Dec. 12. Tickets and information: audible.com
